Monday, September 8, 2008

Seat Selection and the Personal Hygene Repulsion Factor

Going home from the big city you can almost always guarantee an empty seat next to you, but you must know how to play your hand at seat selection very shrewdly.

Over the course of a one year period I have the process finely tuned. The goal is to sit in an aisle seat and make yourself as unattractive and repulsive as possible. Use all the senses, look as large as you can, spread your legs wide, hang your arms and elbows in the aisle make your self an obstacle, never look inviting. Next sound is important, talk to yourself loudly speak in a pissed-off tone. Lastly scent, take up. Smoking cigars right outside the bus terminal, your fellow bus riders will remember who the stinky stogie smoker is and give you a wide berth. Always sit towards the rear of the bus, the front always fills up first with people afraid of the self manufactured slobs at the back of the bus.

I've been on a solid 80% streak of getting two whole seats to myself. These and many other silly mind games help you maintain a semblance of sanity.

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